Apparently, I made too much noise walking in the door and my father couldn't hear what was being said on Band of Brothers, so I got a nice "thanks. I just missed that part because of you.", punctuated by "you mutherfucker" directed at the TV every five minutes or so because the cable is on the fritz.

It has the most uncanny knack for picking the most dramatic/climatic scenes to shudder and blank out for 3 minutes, effectively pissing off whom ever is watching at the moment.

"Whom ever" -- checkout my correct grammer. sheesh. That just flowed out. I write inside the box. Meaning, I don't write my enteries in Microsoft Word or another similar program and then copy and paste the whole thing. Nope, straight from the hip here.

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It is now early Monday morning. And the last time I talked to R was?

Wednesday.
Uh huh. This shit has got to stop.

I refuse and I mean *refuse* to call him or drop by his work to see him.

You hung up on me you bastard and I am not taking the first step. Be a man. Maybe you could lower yourself to call me and apologize for screaming at me before my birthday. It's in 3 days, and I hope you don't think that you could buy me a card, some flowers and/or an expensive gift and all will be forgiven. I think not. You're screwing up royally buddy, and I have at least 3 people that have told me they are ready to take your place.

K has made herself a point. Complete with flying words and sharp edges that cut with surgical precision. She hates R. HATES him. They used to be friends before he transferred. Then they stopped hanging out. Now all she hears is how horrible he is to me lately. So she hates him.

She told me that basically all anyone wants out of a boyfriend is someone who is there for you, and is nice to you (ie. treats you right... [ie. is such an incorrectly used abbreviation. it means "that is" and is usually used mistakenly in place of "eg." ere go, meaning "example"] and has some respect for you.) That's the basics, then you go from there.

"He never calls you, so he's never there for you; and when he does talk to you he's a total asshole, takes you for granted, is nasty and treats you like shit. Why do you need that?"

Why indeed? Why can't I just let go once and for all? I cling to people. I let them walk all over me.

Yeah you're not using me for sex. You're such a re-fucking-deeming person. How about relinquishing the emotional-abuse crown, humm?

And I don't want to hear how our differentiating schedules are the sustaining cause for lack of quality time. If you cared about me you'd make time. I don't think you do. I can't honestly remember a time when you've told me you love me that wasn't in jest.

I told you once. Twice actually. And I wasn't lying, not then. Do you know what it feels like to say to someone "I love you" and get no response? Not even a "me too"? Sure you hugged me close but it's not the same. So I never told you again.

And K and B (especially B) have seen or heard me cry my eyes out over you repeatedly; asking me "do you love him?" and most of the time hearing me say that I didn't know or I wouldn't be this upset if I didn't, but never really giving them a straight answer, when I really truly did.

But you see, you've got me confused again because now I'm not sure. JC asked me the same question tonight and I told her that I used to. I don't know if I still do. You hurt me so much. If you hit me I think I could handle it better.

I don't want to lie to you if you ask me, and I don't want to lie to myself. You told me the night we saw Serendipity that when you looked into my eyes you saw someone that wanted to be loved. You know what I want so why can't you do that?

1, 2, 3, 4...

(This is not smut, or porn and it is not always explict so don't be expecting anything)