| It has gotten to the point that I really think that I need to break up with R. I'm just procrastinating doing it. I procrastinate everything remember? I'm just not happy, we're not happy, and I don't know how to fix it. And even though he says he wants to have a relationship it doesn't seem like it. It's okay to not talk to me, it's okay to not touch me. Correction. It's only okay to touch me if he feels like it. It's not that I see him everyday and we get to spend a lot of time together. So when I do see him I am gonna be tactile. I want to kiss, cuddle, play around, wrestle like goofballs, makeout for crissakes. I can live without sex, but I need something. Anything. But it seems like he's always stressed out, cranky, moody, bothered by his allergies or tired. Or any combination of these 5. Or all of the above. He once yelled at me during a fight that I don't ever ask him to hold me. How am I supposed to do that when I get pushed away? I shouldn't have to feel like I should ask permission before touching my boyfriend. This saddens me. It makes me cry at odd moments. I'm really trying hard not to distance myself from him. Then he goes and lets me down and it's kind of hard not to. In those odd moments I think maybe there really only is disappointment left. And sadness. And maybe I'm not beating a dead horse, maybe what I'm really trying to do is exhume the body for CPR. The more and more I write here, the more I think that this is becoming a disaster record, but the disaster hasn't happened yet. But it will. Or maybe i'm living it. And I can't see beyond the eye of the storm.
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| Before - After |
| - - 2005-09-14 a first - 2002-10-21 stackers really is a psycotropic drug - 2002-10-04 nipples - 2002-10-01 yes i am - 2002-09-27 |
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| And for those of you, who are only here for the sex: The Erotic Entries
(This is not smut, or porn and it is not always explict so don't be expecting anything) |
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