He had a co-worker of his, Cindy, call me Tuesday night to ask where I submitted my poetry to be published. She had a few things that she would like reviewed.

I gave her the url: www.poetry.com, and asked her if he wasn't too busy, could I talk to my boyfriend, please?

Before I go any further let me just state that I've come to believe that Poetry.com is a "somewhat" fraudulent site. They publish your work in a collected "hardbound book" that you can own for only: $50 U.S. dollars! ($40 each if you buy 2 ;p).

Maybe I'm just being cynical. Who knows?

I did find out something interesting: someone else has my name. The only exception being that this 'Rachel's' middle name is Dennise while mine is Lauren. Yes, same last name also, but there is no way in hell I'm advertising what that is here.

I was born in the age gap between the crests of popularity in the name "Rachel". I keep coming across all these little 8-year-olds with my name, and finding myself turning around in resturants and supermarkets looking for the speaker. It's just odd to me.

I was never one of those kids that had to wonder if the teacher was talking to them or not when my name was said in class. 15 years ago "Rachel" was not as popular as the multitudes of Jessica's, Ashley's, Kelly's, and Kimberly's; Michelle's and Melissa's; Christina/Christine's and Kristen/Kristy/Kirsten's or god forbid -- Stephanie's.

I actually wanted to be a "Crystal" at one point. That's how my cat got her name.

I've grown to like my name. I embrace it. If I wanted to go by numerology's standpoints - - I wouldn't be me without it.

It really pisses me off when people can't spell it. It's over 2000 years old. It's in the Old Testament-- go look it up. R-a-c-h-e-l.

How hard is that?!

Apparently very much so because I get all manner of spellings: Rachael, Raychel, Raechel, Rayechel, and Rachelle.

The last one I particularlly hate. Eewwe. With the psuedo-french "lle" shit. That's pronounced Ra-shell. Are you trying to make your child pretenious?

Sometime's I get asked if my name is Raquel. Are you people blind? Dyslexic? Or just failing your Hooked on Phonics program? Gggrrrr.

********************************************************

R took over ten minutes to get on the phone.

Me: "hi hon, how ya doing?"

R: "hi baby, you know same old shit."

Me: "you gonna be there for a while i take it -- working till 11 (pm) right?"

R: "yeah i'll be here a bit."

Me: "okay, cause I was thinking about stopping by; I was on my way to stop by earlier, but some bitch in a blue van decided to rear-end me, which kind of screwed up my plans for the night."

R: "Why the hell do you have to say it like that! You do this everytime and it's getting really damn annoying, and you know it annoys me and you do it anyway."

Me: "Well excuse me you know that's the way I talk, and I'm sorry that you don't happen to like it but that's the way it is!"

R: "are you alright?"

Me: "yeah well I was fine untill i found out that everything i say seems to piss somebody off, you and my father both; so everybody starts yelling at me!"

R:"how 'bout I call you back when you are a little less upset." 'click.'"

Dial tone.

Well fuck THAT.

I'm sooo sorry that I couldn't format a sentance so it would fit your view of correct syntax. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being the one that bends. And for a very flexible person I'm coming real close to breaking.

I'm tired of being the one that accomodates him. If he's in a cranky/bad/sleepy or just plain moody mood, well, it's up to me to not be happy, playful, sexually wanting or sarcastically inclined (as my personality usually is) so he doesn't get pissed off. It's okay for him to be in a bad mood, but not me.

Then he wants to talk to me. And gets mad at me because I don't tell him anything.

We don't have a relationship, we have constant avoidance.

1, 2, 3, 4...

(This is not smut, or porn and it is not always explict so don't be expecting anything)