Even though I was at the point where I really didn't like to smoke anymore, and I found myself putting a cigarette out before I've finished half of it, I kind of missed it.

And then I started thinking about all the times, those fleeting rare moments when having a good long relaxing smoke is a good thing, when I previously would have indulged without a second thought, why, those times would now be denied to me.

The cigarette in the morning with coffee I would miss, but that's not too hard to get over.

It's the times like right after a bubble bath, lighting up before jumping in the covers, or sitting around with a few friends killing a 6-pack or a bottle of wine, or, of course -- after sex (like I would leave that one out), and no more 4 hour conversations with my mother at the kitchen table splitting a half-pack between us.

Then came the real hard ones. No more smoking furiously in my car during rush hour on 42 South on my way home from school. Quitting would mean less breaks from the idiot customers at work who rarely have 2 brain cells to rub together.

And the big one: no smoking while doing my homework on the computer for 10 hours. Ack!

I determined that unless I give up caffeine, I will not be able to give up smoking. Why? Because there is a neurological symbiosis between nicotine and caffeine, and also nicotine and alcohol. When your happy little synapses fire off, saited with either the legal speed pick-me-up of caffeine or the equally legal downer known as alcohol it sends out a craving saying, give me this too! Screaming: IwantitIwantit!! Mine mine mine!!! Now now NOW!

This is the point were your brain has Daffy Duck syndrome, and channels one of the Looney Tunes episodes where Daffy is being a selfish fuck.

1, 2, 3, 4...

(This is not smut, or porn and it is not always explict so don't be expecting anything)