Yes, you heard me right. Distant.

What you can't see is the gold-foiled 100% guarentee that if you ever attempt to be under the assumption that we are in a relationship I have what is called emotional shut down. The lights are only on for a while. Do you see that guy walking up to the house? He's coming to turn off the generator.

Most of what the great upheavals between R and I are because he's trying to break through my doors with a mail-order lockpick set, from a catalogue I sent him.

When I first meet people, my hyperness and anxiety make my mouth run like a freight train. And then I shut up.

No wait. I know what my problem is. I don't know how to get out of my own fucking way.

I don't let myself act like a woman. I never really say how I feel about things cause my defense mechanism was to be one of the guys. I hate the whole "catty pack mentality" of a group of women. I think like a guy. I have a ton male friends. I have, in fact only 2 of what I would actually call female friends.

None of this means, however, that I dress like a guy. Nosiree. I think that's what actually pissed off most of the 'girlfriends'. Hey, I'm just one of the guys in thigh-high boots. I could tell they had a hard time swallowing that.

This directly opposes my emotions to the point where I actually feel weakness and distain when I get upset, or cry. And this makes me feel out of control, and I think why the hell am I acting like the typical sterotyped over-emotional woman?

I look it. But I don't always like to act it.

Meaning that, you know how guys aren't supposed to tell anyone what they're feeling, they're allowed to be pissed off, but if there is something that they really care about they usually don't say anything?

That's me.

Vulnerabilty. I missed that lesson.

The funny thing is, I'm starting to want to be a woman.

1, 2, 3, 4...

(This is not smut, or porn and it is not always explict so don't be expecting anything)