I had a whole head/sinus congestion feeling when I work up, and just plain felt shitty. By the end of the day I was muttering under my breath and slaming things around.

Last night didn't help either. I knew R was sleeping all day, he worked until 6 am that morning. He promised me the night before that we were going to spend sometime together after he woke up. He finally called me at 6:30 pm., groggy from sleeping, and told me that he'd call me back when he got showered and dressed.

At 7:30 he called me and told me to meet him at his store at 8:30. He had to grab some paperwork and then we'd got get something to eat or go out for a drink, but that he had to be home by 11 pm so he could go to work at 6 in the morning again.

I got there at 8:40. That leaves about an hour an a half to go some where down the street and just be alone with each other. Do you really think that happened? Of course not.

He dicked around doing stuff that he could have done the next morning, leaving me basically sitting there like an ass. He made me come down there so I could watch him talk to everyone else in the store but me.

Oh--excuse me I had 3 minutes alone with him when he handed me my Christmas card. Kind of ironic what he wrote in it:

Rach,

I know I can be distant and moody (alright very moody) but it's not from knowing that you are there. Okay that sounded wrong, I'm glad you're there when I need to just be held and I'm sorry I haven't been there when you needed me, but I will try from this point on not to disappoint you.

Uh huh. Sure. Is that why you didn't even attempt to try to spend even an hour with me last night? Everyone else was more important. I just wanted one freaking hour. Or maybe ten minutes when we walked out the door.

No. Guess not. He walked straight to his car and told me he had to go to bed. Then yelled at me for the look on my face. Asked me what was wrong.

So I told him. I was a little disappointed that we didn't get to got out that night.

What was he supposed to do? Not get any sleep? It's not his falt he has to work. Never is.

I told him I understood and that he just go home and go to bed. That wasn't good enough. Well, I'm sorry if my face shows that I'm disappointed and a little hurt. It doesn't mean that I don't understand that you have to go home.

But he shouldn't have made me drive a half an hour just to watch him socialize with ten other people when we had plans, however small they were. He complained about working so much, then brightened up about getting a good paycheck, telling me he was going to take me shopping.

He can't just buy me out. It doesn't work that way. Asshole.

Wanna buy me something? Buy me a dildo. And if you want me to pretend that It's you, better make it a small one.

It's not like there aren't 3 other management people in that store. You don't have to do everything. I forgot! Yes you do!

Then saying, getting in his car: We'll go out next week.

Sure we will. Just like every other time. I don't believe you. It's come to the point where I expect to be disappointed. That was the look on my face last night. You kept your part of the bargain. Lived right up to my expectations.

I wasn't pissed off. Until he called my cell phone on the way home and accused me of sitting in my car crying when I was smoking a cigarette and letting the car run so it would heat up. I could tell he thought I was lying. Then continued his whole defensive "I gotta work" speech.

Fuck you. You yelled at me that I don't tell you what I "think and feel", then when I do tell you, and you don't like it, you start a fight with me because I don't have a good game face. I don't mask my feelings, and pretend to be happy that you couldn't even try and spend any time with me, when that was the plan in the first place?

I'm emotional. It's gonna show. But knowing the reasons in my head don't change the feelings in my heart.

1, 2, 3, 4...

(This is not smut, or porn and it is not always explict so don't be expecting anything)